well, perhaps sometimes, somethings, you never know when they unexpectedly spring up on you. queer things, queer people. it's kind of scary actually. really. I'm afraid now. I hate it that you think life seems quite all right then one night you realize, hell no. what is this world coming to! why why & why. I can't seem to understand this world. I can't seem to understand myself.

when I read amanda's wordpress, I was just in awe of her. like the 'I wish I was her' feeling. goodness, her brains, thought processes, vocabulary bank. like she stole all the jewels from a jewelery shop! admiration. I really really want to write and think like her (tho sometimes I feel like she also doesn't give a hoot about things in this world).**there's something seriously wrong with ntu students. like they are intelligent creatures really, but they haven't got a heart. they are brutally blunt and that what makes them dumb. we are all entitled to our own opinions aren't we?

well anw, I can't be bothered anymore with people like that; people who want the whole wide world to hate them. that's terribly, utterly _________. I can't find a suitable adjective to fill in the gap (as yet). but insane people like that, I pity them. I feel so damn sorry for the plight their in. whether they enjoy it or not, these people really, they have NO LIFE. so much for loneliness = happiness and freedom. well yeah, to some degree. but I'm strongly for the fact that in this world, despite whatever tragic people or events there are, hope lingers to give LIFE to happy, lovable people like the rest of us. I am not discriminating. Just making a clear distinction between sunshine and rain clouds.

once again, hi my world, it feels good to be back somehow. you know like when you have no other place to go, there's just this imaginary world you can look too for a brief respite from the fuzzy buzzy wuzzy-ness of life. all the shit life throws at you, sigh, this world is my avenue to spell it all out.

past few months, since June has been great. hanging out with zoo friends, preparing for life in the University, D's back - for good. Well, I don't really mean to be so mean, but sometimes I wish that D wasn't here. Like my life wouldn't be so controlled now. worry-freak I should like to say it. ahh well, my life still goes on. anw, got myself stuck in some sticky situation which well, only some relatively close friends in the zoo know about so, I'd be careful about how I put it in words here. I just well, sigh, nevermind, the complexities of the situation make it hard to even type it all out. But in any case, I'm fine all right. Just well, because of that, I've been thinking a hell lot these days. And ughhh, the rain now, emo time, here I come (soon, after this I suppose). gosh.

well folks, all my muslim friends are having their fasting month. & this awesome friend of mine (btw, she's chinese) fasted for 4 days straight! in admiration of her determination. that's cool. I kind of decided too to fast, but like once a week la. they were terribly upset when I told them I fasted last Sunday. seriously like 'wth'. c'mon, despite the fact that my friends do it because they have to, I do it out of my own will. I hate that you are so damned f*cking racist and they way you condemn my friends, it's like saying they are were-beasts, unleashed only at nightfall. & when I stand up for them, you put me down. just because you don't know them doesn't mean you have the RIGHT to say that of the friends that I have made. FYI, didn't you guys know that all men are born equal?!? I must also add this - regardless of age, race and religion. seriously, why, why must you guys be like that. I didn't want to see you guys as bad guys, ruining my life, but you don't trust me ever, and well, what else can I say? right. In advance, prolly in the next few years or so, trust that I will turn wild and do things I want to do. You guys have no right to dictate me anymore. So much for the 'anyone at 21 years of age is considered a legal adult'. sigh, what a stupid rule imposed. oh bother.

I guess enough has been said, for now. & awesome friend, you're making me worried & I feel so bad! hope you've sorted things out already & you're free & raring to do things you wanna do. see you soon then. anw, I better get going to. I have loads of readings to sort out and file, and read and I have to visit the library to return my books and visit the bookstore to get some stationery...sigh. ahh well, but kind of excited about tmr cos I will be visiting S.A.M!(: for a film exhibition. can't wait(:

so till next time folks, many happy days ahead! <3