i've got some time left before my first lecture. i thought i'd just post something today.

my wishes for everybody today: i hope your week has been awfully well, it's friday tmr! so don't look so down. everyday is a chance to do something new, something fun, something right. we can never be perfect, but we can do things to help us feel well, to brighten our day and impacting the lives of others. we can always make a difference in the lives of others and ourselves too! no matter what, keep looking forward, never back. it's hard but we all got to try. life's too damn short to wallow in sadness. all that shit about 'we must fight for happiness', don't. you can try finding it, but don't keep your hopes high. most importantly, you got to trust and have faith. (:

okay, gotta run now folks.

& because i never knew, the knowledge of it hit me in my face. the weight of it was just too much to handle. on top of it, other issues reeled itself into my hands. I try to suppress, but found myself unable to do so. it was just too immense. my guilt and shame, oh how i wonder how i could have done that. i am so ashamed of myself. my fear of hurting others has resulted in me actualizing such an act. i am in pain. but, i've got nowhere to turn to cos i don't want them to carry my burdens along with them. they have their own situations too. i want to drink, consume myself in liquor, but found no will power to do so. if only i was stronger. i don't want to fall into pits anymore and get trap and expect a kind soul to pull me out of it. i don't want to walk down History road and repeat the same mistake i had made. as conflicting as it may be, i just want to try. forcing myself to unthink the things i have thought...i wouldn't say it'd be impossible but they have already been thought and set free, into the air, into someone's ears, into my heart. i want to run, run away from the reality of this life i'm living. it's tormenting. what a pity. life is great but, there are always buts, and you get stuck cos there is no concrete explanation for these buts. no, i am not desperate. i just want to run away from all of these.